How do I tell my massage therapist to shut up?

“I’d really like to relax and be quiet now.” If they don’t shut up, you can end the session and just pay for that portion.

Do I have to take off all my clothes?

It depends completely on your comfort level. Shiatsu is done fully clothed, so it’s an option. If you’re new to massage, you may want to keep on more, such as underwear and bra. Therapists can accommodate. On the other hand, therapists use a draping technique that exposes only the part of the body they need to work on. If you can’t relax fully, wear clothing. If you can relax fully unclothed, that’s ideal.

What if I pass gas?

It happens a lot. The therapist doesn’t give it a second thought, so don’t worry. But it’s wise to not eat a full meal before massage.